So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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