Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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