I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
