his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
