I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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