I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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