I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
