You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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