good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
