I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
