I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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