Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
