Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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