I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
