You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
