so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
