Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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