the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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