I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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