at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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