we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
