Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
