Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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