just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up under a house in Key West
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
