I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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