I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
