I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
