I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
