Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
