Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
