Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
