i think i have two assholes
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
