so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
