someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
