Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
