She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
