My sheets look like a crime scene.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
