All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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