I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
