my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
