im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
