i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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