Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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