what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
