Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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