I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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