He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
