you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
