I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
