At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm getting married
To pizza
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
