her vagina looked like bernie madoff
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
