The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
