Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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