so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
