"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
it glows. i had to have it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
