OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
