Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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